H'Oprah Tried To Help, Now It's Up To The Lawd!

I'm almost sure this is what my little Boxtox'd beloved baby looked like when he was caught yet again...sigh

It seems Mikey was was arrested in possession of druuuuugs in the public bathroom-but this time he got off was let go with a 'caution' for possession of A & C Drugs. Mz. Faux Maya don't know what the difference iz between an A drug and a C drug...*shrugging my shouldas* source

An illegal drug is an illegal drug-don't matter what alphabet it begans with.

Seriously, George Michael is the British Robert Downey Jr (pre-sobriety) of H'Oprah's clique group of friends. It takes all kinds, pray tell.

H'Oprah has extended an invitation to Mikey to go to rehab more times than the gray hair on this ole lady's head! Y'all seen me-I'm white headed! lol

I digress beloveds. We love Mikey-but he'll have to give up the drugs when he's ready.

I'd sho' hate to add him ass a bad azz kid-but I will not hesitate to add him as a 'you know ur azz is too old bad azz kid!'

DRUGS ARE BAD, MIKEY!

Get some help-resolve ur past issues and move forward!

Get it together, Mikey and take ur friend Amy with you!

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Why Must My Soul Cry???

Hey babies!  Oh, Mz. Faux Maya had to get away and have some 'me-time!' 

ohhh lawdy!

I tell you, I travelled the chitlin' circuit just bcuz and I have neva eva seen chirren so mannerable in my entiiiiire life.

And then.

I come back home.

To.

Trash.

You know, in the past I've been hard on H'oprah for not wanting to fool around with ignant niccas, but after seeing this trash-I'm going to give H'Oprah '5 on the black-hand side' when she comes over tonight.

Mmmmhmmm oh yes I am.

I'm sorry babies, but Mz. Faux Maya has no room for decorum tonight, I'm going to get as my baby Bria likes to say, 'CRUNK.'

Oh chile, I am seriously considering renouncing my citizenship to go live with some Aborigines in Australia, write books, put shrimp on the barbie and go a couple of rounds with a 'Roo.

Anythang, and yes my beloveds I said ANYTHANG-is better

than coming home to my computer and seeing these mini-devils following the marching orders of an ignant she-devil.

Babies, if Mz. Faux Maya had a James Evans (from Good Times) leather belt- those pickaninny, BET, jailbound mini-heffas and that camera wielding hoodrat would have welts upside one and downside the other on their azzes!!

*fanning myself*

Lawd..why did u let these people take prayer outta school?

Lawd why did you let these street pharmacies intro crack into the neighborhoods?

Cuz these female devils are obviously suffering residual effects from that devilish crack cocaine!!

Oh help me to hold on lawd, HELP ME I pray to u!  I pray to U...I pray ...to U!!

 Babies, look at this video-and think about  Bill Cosby.

Beloveds this is the dirty laundry he's talking about.

Where's the soap and bleach, so I can clean these mini-heffas mouths out??

oh help me, lawd..help me!

watch the video beloveds...I feel a fast comin' on.

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am,

Black Celebrity Kids...

You know?

I was downright sad, as I looked off of my porch-sippin' on my favorite drank, my Raspberry Mango Lemonade. mm mm mmm

I looked ova yonder, and I got plum down cuz I started to think on some things.

Such as, my Arthur will be kickin' and screamin' upon me directly once the cold weather steers around the corner.

Oh yes, it's painnnnful trying to get out of bed, but I presses my way. Yes lawdy, I presses my way.

I was also thinking how can I sneak outta town, without H'Oprah breathin' down my neck.

sigh smh

Well never you mind, I'll worry about that later.

I discovered a delightful sight, when my babygirl Bria was Twittering. It slips my mind that I have that devil may Twitter too.

I'll just wait for Bria to pass me twitter updates, but anyways...Bria told me about a delightful sight, that just makes my heart glad.

It's called Black Celebrity Kids

Ohhh chile, who knew famous black people had that many chirren??

One was eeeeenuf for me, chile.

But anyways, be a dear and check out that site.

It's kept up real nice, you'll like it.

I have to go and watch TVLand now.

Mama's Family's coming on.

I love you babies, I really do.

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

I Believe That Chirren Are Our Future...DRESS THEM WELL and let them lead the way...

Let me, Mz. Faux Maya Angelou say this:

I LOVE BEING BLACK.

African American

Afro American

Brown-skinned

Hell, I'll even let you get away with calling me color'd on a good day.

Howeva, Mz. Faux heart is achin as she ask this question:

WHAT ABOUT OUR CHILDREN??

Have you eva heard Mz. Fauz Maya cuss a blue streak?

No you haven't.

And that is because I do not want to shame my heavenly Father.

Howeverrrrrrr.

I think in this instance, He definitely understands:

It is NOT this chile's fault that it looks like her hair has multiple personalities.

It is also not this baby's fault that the beads in her originated n the 70's and the negro who braided her was waiting for an occasion to pull those beads out of her junk drawer.

It is ALSO not this baby's fault for having the petrified look on her face.

My people perish for lack of knowledge...smh

She is either A) scared of getting in trouble because she stood still for this picture.

or

B) she knows the cruel person who took this picture was going to post it online.

That poor baby looks like a 40 yr old woman in a 2yr old body.

See H'Oprah does not allow me to look at picture like these because of my heart. I can't take it.

I can't take it.

U know, Mz. Faux is gooooood at reading peoples.

I bet this chile looks EXACTLY like her mama.

I'm sorry babies, I'm upset and I must go pray for myself.

I must pray, NOW.

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Spokesperson for Bad Azz Kids Has What?!

My word.

Faux Maya goes away for a little while and comes back to all of this Mmm mmm mmmm

It seems our resident bad azz kid Kwame Kilpatrick,has accepted a plea-is what they call it-and won't be runnin' Detroit into the ground anymore.

Mz. Faux Maya remembers like yesterday how her and her cuz'n Junebug would go to Detroit every summer and just cut up a rug.

lol

Ohhh those folks sho' knew how to party with their shiny shoes, and shiny hair, and shiny cars.

I would always say,' those folks are some shiny folks, friendly but shiny!'

well my baby Bria told me that boy is going to stop being mayor (he volunatarily sat himself down), says he's guilty of only 2 felonies not 10 (mz. faux will not judge lest i be judged), has to pay one million dollars (hold on let me see if i'm reading this print correctly. brb)

Yes ma'am, that boy has to pay $1 million dollars back to the city.

Now it's been awhile since Mz. Faux's been in school as a student, but didn't the city have to pay about 9x's that amount in lawsuits for that knuckle head?

He cannot run for anything for 5 years. Well I believe the likes of him shouldn't ever be able to run for anything unless he's running to the store for an emergency. source

Well I am not surprised at then news. Mama boys do not usually fare well on their own.

Kwame 'spose to go to court today and tell the judge he accepts his plead.

Why lookey there, I just saw pigs fly past my winda,

and it looks as if hell has finally frozen over.

Glory, Glory

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Babies All In The News..

Beloveds, babies have been all up in the news-do u hear me?

Let's start with the good, ok babies?

Ok now...first up we have lil' man, whose name is Jericho Scott...has been told he cannot play baseball bcuz he pitches too fast.

Too fast? Well hell, maybe those otha chirren are too devilish slow! I'dda think thats a reflection of the coach nurturin' Jericho's God-given gift!

When an opposing team found out lil Jericho was going to pitch, they packed and defaulted the game!

heeeeee heeeeee that's a funny right there!

It's not that baby's fault he pitches at a speed of 40mph! TELL IT TO GAWWWDDD!!

Jericho, Faux Maya has this to say:

You have the name, You have the gift-NOW TEAR THOSE WALLS DOWN!!!!

amen? amen. please don't make Granny Faux Maya put the preachin' hat on. It's only Tuesday, babies.

Next up is the bad.

Dr. Dre...city of Compton, Dr. Dre (yeah Granny Faux Maya, knows about him) and family are mourning the loss of their 20y/o son, Andre Jr.

Goodness gracious, me-o-my.

This little angel was found unconscious in their home. Can you imagi honey, Faux Maya's head just don't want to go there.

Never the less, we will offer the all the prayers, love and support that is needed during this trying time. *gonna lay dowwwwwnnn my burden, down by the river side, down by the river side, down by the river side, i'm gonna lay dowwwwwn my burden, (2x's) ain't gonna study war no mo') Yes lawd. Yes lawd. yes lawd.

nothin' more sadder than buryin' ur baby.

Unless we're getting to the Ugly part of this post.

smh

And these two need to just go on up and bury their careers. Who is Mz. Faux Maya talkin' about?

Mz. Faux Maya's talking about those two pitiful knuckle heads who had an audience in Australia and came off looking like a plum fool. O u still don't know?

Well one of 'em put their dirty lil wretched hands on my baby Mary J. Blige...mmmmhmmm that's right.

Those little bad cartoon character looking kids K.C. and Jo-Jo.

Mz. Faux Maya is wonderin' to herself ...what could've gone wrong with these babies that would cause their lives to be in such turmoil.

I believes they r smoking some of that whacky tobacky or worse.

that didn't look like no epipleppy to me.

My cuz Cornbread in Mississippi had Epileppy and ohhhh it was a sight to be seen.

We'd be out there pickin' cotton, or green beans-dependins on the season, and the next thing u knows, Cornbread is shaking and shivering like a laid out Elvis impersonator, right in the middle of Big Mama's veggey-tables!

ohhhh we were more worried about those corn stalks and tomatoes than ole Cornbread!

we'd just turn him on his side, stick a cob a-corn in his mouth and carry on. After a spell, he'd come around and help us finish pickin'.

So understand Mz. Faux Maya has had up close eckspear-e-ince with Epileppy. Does this look like Epileppy to you??

Those boys need to come and sit under my Uncle Cooder.

He'll cure what ails 'em.

I'm not going to tell his business. It's a well known fact once you tell Uncle Cooder's business, you're neva seen again. And I'll have too many people missing, Mz. Faux Maya.

That's all I have for you today, babies.

I'll be talking to you directly.

Faux Maya loves you, u hear?

You too, KC and Jo-Jo!

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Bad Azz Kids Aren't Born...They're Made!!!!

I'm tellin' H'Oprah, and Child Protective Services!

You trollops!

This is why are kids are called dirty laundry by Bill Cosby!

Father, cover that boy so that he doesn't grow up disrespectful towards women, and lookin' for hoes such as the heffa in the pic in Jesus' name...amen.

Absolutely shameful!

source

Nasty pedos!

Being around H'Oprah's hairstylist, D'Andre has taught me a few things about wigs, weaves, extensions and hairpieces. Is that hot drizzled mess (pic #1) wearing a lacefront braided wig? Thanks, Uknowudeadazzwrong!

Lord Bless that baby, bless him indeed!

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa