Babies All In The News..

Beloveds, babies have been all up in the news-do u hear me?

Let's start with the good, ok babies?

Ok now...first up we have lil' man, whose name is Jericho Scott...has been told he cannot play baseball bcuz he pitches too fast.

Too fast? Well hell, maybe those otha chirren are too devilish slow! I'dda think thats a reflection of the coach nurturin' Jericho's God-given gift!

When an opposing team found out lil Jericho was going to pitch, they packed and defaulted the game!

heeeeee heeeeee that's a funny right there!

It's not that baby's fault he pitches at a speed of 40mph! TELL IT TO GAWWWDDD!!

Jericho, Faux Maya has this to say:

You have the name, You have the gift-NOW TEAR THOSE WALLS DOWN!!!!

amen? amen. please don't make Granny Faux Maya put the preachin' hat on. It's only Tuesday, babies.

Next up is the bad.

Dr. Dre...city of Compton, Dr. Dre (yeah Granny Faux Maya, knows about him) and family are mourning the loss of their 20y/o son, Andre Jr.

Goodness gracious, me-o-my.

This little angel was found unconscious in their home. Can you imagi honey, Faux Maya's head just don't want to go there.

Never the less, we will offer the all the prayers, love and support that is needed during this trying time. *gonna lay dowwwwwnnn my burden, down by the river side, down by the river side, down by the river side, i'm gonna lay dowwwwwn my burden, (2x's) ain't gonna study war no mo') Yes lawd. Yes lawd. yes lawd.

nothin' more sadder than buryin' ur baby.

Unless we're getting to the Ugly part of this post.

smh

And these two need to just go on up and bury their careers. Who is Mz. Faux Maya talkin' about?

Mz. Faux Maya's talking about those two pitiful knuckle heads who had an audience in Australia and came off looking like a plum fool. O u still don't know?

Well one of 'em put their dirty lil wretched hands on my baby Mary J. Blige...mmmmhmmm that's right.

Those little bad cartoon character looking kids K.C. and Jo-Jo.

Mz. Faux Maya is wonderin' to herself ...what could've gone wrong with these babies that would cause their lives to be in such turmoil.

I believes they r smoking some of that whacky tobacky or worse.

that didn't look like no epipleppy to me.

My cuz Cornbread in Mississippi had Epileppy and ohhhh it was a sight to be seen.

We'd be out there pickin' cotton, or green beans-dependins on the season, and the next thing u knows, Cornbread is shaking and shivering like a laid out Elvis impersonator, right in the middle of Big Mama's veggey-tables!

ohhhh we were more worried about those corn stalks and tomatoes than ole Cornbread!

we'd just turn him on his side, stick a cob a-corn in his mouth and carry on. After a spell, he'd come around and help us finish pickin'.

So understand Mz. Faux Maya has had up close eckspear-e-ince with Epileppy. Does this look like Epileppy to you??

Those boys need to come and sit under my Uncle Cooder.

He'll cure what ails 'em.

I'm not going to tell his business. It's a well known fact once you tell Uncle Cooder's business, you're neva seen again. And I'll have too many people missing, Mz. Faux Maya.

That's all I have for you today, babies.

I'll be talking to you directly.

Faux Maya loves you, u hear?

You too, KC and Jo-Jo!

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Bad Azz Kids Aren't Born...They're Made!!!!

I'm tellin' H'Oprah, and Child Protective Services!

You trollops!

This is why are kids are called dirty laundry by Bill Cosby!

Father, cover that boy so that he doesn't grow up disrespectful towards women, and lookin' for hoes such as the heffa in the pic in Jesus' name...amen.

Absolutely shameful!

source

Nasty pedos!

Being around H'Oprah's hairstylist, D'Andre has taught me a few things about wigs, weaves, extensions and hairpieces. Is that hot drizzled mess (pic #1) wearing a lacefront braided wig? Thanks, Uknowudeadazzwrong!

Lord Bless that baby, bless him indeed!

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Barack Obama & Sen. Joe Biden- President and Vice President Candidates

From Bria's dwelling:

Well indeed it has been made official.

Sen. Mr. Obama has chosen Sen. Joe Biden as his VP nominee.

Delaware Sen. Joe Biden is Sen. Barack Obama's choice to be his vice-presidential running mate.

1 of 2

Well. I guess Biden is an ok guy.

I'm curious as to the selecting of Biden as his running mate.

He's gone from criticizing Obama's readiness as president to being named VP nominee.

Surely, that must've been one interesting conversation between the two.

It probably went something like this:

(pardon me beloveds, Faux Maya's going to go 'Ebonic' for a moment)

Biden enters the presidential suite at an unknown location. Obama just finished taking a swig of his black African bean coffee.

JB: Barack, how are you? you wanted to see me? (extends his hand for a handshake)

OB: Oh, that's how u gone play me JB? With a handshake? U know how we do, what's really hood??

JB: My bad. I'm trippin.' Give me some dap, BO.

(the men do the obligatory pound-pound, dap-dap, tap, twist, white/black, black/white fist shake)

BO: That's what I'm sayin.' lol (BO laughs heartily)

JB: i gotchu, I gotchu. (nodding his head up and down) For real tho' why u got me all up in heah. Streets been talkin and thang, talkin' 'bout ur VP and ish. I mean what? I know u ain't call me up in heah for suggestions,u know what i'm sayin'??

BO: lol look atchu JB, all 'noided and ish. whatchu u been smokin' on for real tho??' It ain't even like that, Wonder Bread. I just wanted to holla at my boy about the candidacy.

JB: Word, Congo? Where he at then? (lookin' around) Ur makin' me privy to some secret ish, ain't u man? (Michelle* rolls her eyes)

BO: Where he at?! I'm lookin at him fool! I'm talkin' bout u!!

(knock on the door, door opens)

BO: (acknowledges his Admin Asst., as she places papers in front of him to be signed-looks at JB) So as I was saying. Statistically, the midwesterners are tending to favor McCain, the electoral college can swing this way, and the popular vote can swing that way, and having said that...(watches Admin Asst close the door). So anyway like I was saying. I'm wonderin' if u wanna roll with ur boy? u know i do the P thang, and u do the VP thang? what's up?

JB: U want me?

BO: Yes.

JB: U want me?

BO: Yep.

JB: U want me?

BO: Affirmative.

JB: U want--

BO: Dammit! if you say it one mo' time, I swear i'm callin' Hillary my damn self!

JB: ok ok ok, sorry Congo, sorry. I can' believe this. I mean I thought u were still trippin from when I said you weren't ready to be Prez...I mean you've been quiet and ish.

BO: look mofo. ur entitled to your opinion. This is America. Land of the free and all that ish. But obviously you didn't know what the hell you were talking about! Have u looked at the voters?? They say I'M READY TO BE PREZ!

Come on damn, how hard can it be if Bush is doing it? huh?

JB: U got me there. Yeah (noddin') tru' dat, tru' dat.

BO: I know tru dat, tru dat. So check this out. We gone keep this on the DL until Saturday. Let them fools sit on ice for a min...u knowwwwImean?? So r we gone do this or what? We'll be the Ebony & Ivory of the White House, u feel me?? Can u imagine Xmas? Your loud azz Irish Catholic fam, and my loud azz african-and I mean REAL african, and american peeps under one roof. Hell, I might have Kwanzaa up in the White House next year! (Michelle gives BO dap!)

JB: I'm feelin' u, i'm feelin' u

BO: So, I'll messenger u all the details. and Wonder Bread?

JB: What up, Congo?

BO: Make sure that's the LAST TIME you speak of me unfavorably, ya dig?

JB: I dig.

BO: Cuz u don't want me to fly my African-for real African grandmother up here. She'll mix and stir some ish and your azz will fade to black. Are we clear?

NO BITCHASSNESS.

JB: That's a new one, no bitchassness.

BO: Yeah that lil' arrogant Sean Combs came up with that slogan, and i've unofficially adopted it as my own. In other words, don't be no bitch.

JB: ahhhhh, duly noted.

BO: Good. Now get ur bitch azz outta here, Wonder Bread.

JB: Getting my bitch azz outta here, Congo.

******

My beloveds...it COULD'VE happened that way.

heeee heeee

Read more about Joe Biden, here

Well beloveds.

I'm must depart now (no, not for the pearly gates, not just yet anywayz!. I must Fake Frankie, Baby Daniel and Fake Janie Combs...they're talking about whoopin on sone of Obama's peoples cuz they had to do a security check on outlandish hair weaves...and u know how Fake Frankie is,and we ain't gone talk about Fake Janice with her too old to be wearing anythang blonde behind.

Hopefully I'll be able to maintain the peace but if I see Fake Janice swinging that fake blonde hair around her shoulder as if she is Cher from her 'Gypsy, Tramps and Thieves' days, all bets are off! Not even H'Oprah, or Gina Turner has that much patience with her boudah, goudah ring a ding ding self! And I will not talk about those blasphemous contacts sittin up there on her corneas. Nope, not me-someone bets ta get ta callin Martin or Ghandi or their equivalent cuz I don't think I'll be able to take the non-violent way out.

Faux Maya is just keepin' it real, as the young people say.

Ok Beloveds, my car has pulled up and my driver who has my brass knuckles, my 20lb Bible, and shank that I paid to have smuggled out of Rykers are in his backpack, just walked thru the door.

He's looking so silly standing behind me shifting his weight on each leg as if his diaper is full and about to burst.

I'll tell H'Oprah you all said hello.

Be good, my beloveds.

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

WWMACTAD??

Again this week, children have my spirit vexed.

I'm not sure what has been added to the water, or what they are infusing vegetables with-but it seems to Mz. Faux Maya that the young are generally, out of their minds.

Before my dear sister, Coretta Scott King (whom I have the pleasure of sharing birthdate with) made her transition from her earthly home, we ne'er heard a peep from her offspring.

Now, notwithstanding the gospel of the arrival of the King's 1st grandchild-the King Siblings (not including Yolanda who preceded her mother in death-may she rest in peace)have been embattled in legal quagmire-amongst each other.

My beloveds-help me to understand the senselessness of it all.

My question I pose to you, my beloveds is this:

WHAT WOULD MARTIN AND CORETTA THINK AND DO?

How can the offspring of the Kings allow private issues to become public?

My word...if their parents were alive, this would SURELY KILL THEM!

It now seems the young child of the Kings, Dexter (pic'd above)-who bears an amazing striking resemblance to his father MLK Jr., has countersued his siblings Bernice & Martin III (pic'd below)for "establishing foundations in direct competition with The King Center."

Also, Dexter claims his older brother, King III used the center without permission to meet with then-presidential candidate John Edwards in January 2008. source

Two mos. ago, July 2008 news of Bernice & Martin III's lawsuit against younger brother Dexter became public, read here.

My beloveds, this riff I pray is only temporary. And I for one am glad these children's parents aren't here to witness the disrepair in their offspring's relationship.

Father help them.

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones, (OH) passes away...

An angel has fallen.
Rep. Stephanie Tubbs, has gone on to glory to be with the Savior.
She made her transition earlier today, after sufferin' an aneurysm yesterday.
Tubbs was the first black woman to represent OH.
May she fly among the stars...

Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones, D-Ohio, suffered an aneurysm Tuesday evening.

1 of 2

Rep. Tubbs Jones is survived by her son. Her husband preceded her in death.

Beloveds, read the rest of the story here. I must go call H'Oprah and tell her I love her.

Read the rest of Tubbs' story, here

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

They Say it Lke It's A Bad Thing...

My beloveds.

I'm from the old school.

That is no secret.

Ohhh, my beloveds i remember when I was but a sprite-yay high, and I would have the unmitigated gall to sass my Big Mama.

Just thinking about my beatings, makes me flinch still today.

My Big Mama would make me walk the long walk of death to the field.

I had to pick off the 'whoopin' tree' young branches. No less than three, and bring them back to her. My grandmother would test the branches by swinging each individual branch. The 'whooooosh' sounds those vines made would almost make me lose my 'water.' Grandmother would braid those vines together so fast your head would spin! She'd put her hand on those massive hips of hers and she would light into me verbally before lighting into my bee-hind literally. My eyes never left those braided vines that were in her right hand as she reiterated my offenses.

Which was worse?

Her disappointment in me, or the anticipation of the burning welts and stinging skin on my back?

While I did not like being punished, I do know my grandmother love me.

I bring this up because I had a nice chuckle when I read CNN's article stating more than 200,000 kids were spanked in school last year.

heeeeee heeeee

that is funny!

oh i remember when i was in 9th grade-i stood up for someone in class, and well it wasn't appreciated. I was sent to the office and the counselor wanted to lick me with a paddle.

No sirrreeeee, I saw big boys cry.

Why would I volunteer for that madness? lol

of course when it comes to getting whooped in school there are those for and against it.

I say whoop that azz!

Whoopings politically known as Corporal Punishment is legal in 21 states. It is still actively practiced in Missouri, Kentucky, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee and Florida.

Well, imagine that.

One woman's son was swatted 3 yrs ago, eventhough his mother stated in writing she did not want her son corporally punished. The letter couldn't be found. Mmmmm hmmmmm

Read more of this story here

source

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits! For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

This Is Why H'Oprah Opened A School in Antartica...

Today, my spirit wails and laments.

Shaking my head, wanting to make sense.

Your poet DeLaurean has come across devastation.

Urban devastation, meant to impede the next generation.

*I'm sorry, but Mz. Faux Maya Angelou always rhymes when she's upset*

You see, I don't always read complex wordage and verbiage by authors that only Mensa members are aware of.

Believe it or not...I like the African American Celebrity Awareness sites too. It is a must as H'Oprah do not indulge in such delicacies, thus I must take it upon myself to do so.

ohhhh, but had I listened to H'Oprah JUST this one time.

smh

Mz. Faux Maya Angelou's heart cries out unto her God.

Why are the children choosing to pick up ammunition meant to hurt, maim and kill them?

Why not educate them, beloved??

I must set up a conference with the "I'm Black, But I'm Not A Nigga Like You, Nigga" Council. Of course H'Oprah and her goon squad peers will be available as well as Bill Cosby, his lovely daughter-the one who sells soft high heel shoes to infants, and...oh I'm so upset I can't think right now.

Let me show you what has me ready to toss my #2 pencils out the window-below are shots from a video, that is deplorable. I was visiting with Crunk & Disorderly for my daily dose of chocolaty goodness, and almost left outta there with two hands clutching my chest,sweating like I ate a plate of chitlins replete harbonero peppers, an oxygen tank and a four-point cane!

What will H'Oprah say? I don't even wants to know, and neither do you. Ohhh beloved...smh, you don't want to make H'Oprah mad.

I can't even count the seamen (as in sailors-u all r so unsavory) that run out of her mouth when she's upset.

Picture # 2 has arrows which indicates child and adult had a clear view of each other. Gracious...smh, why did the adult turn around in picture #3, and walk away? why is the little girl, who looks no more than 7, the aggressor in this video?
These r the 'dirty laundry' my good friend Bill talks about, that makes the community so upset.
Watch the video in its entirety, here.

Now I shall retreat to my attic, and cry a thousand tears for the young and ignorant...and get my leather belt for their stupid azz mamas!

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Monday Musings...

Being the faux Maya Angelou doesn't come without it's trials and tribulations.

I got to thinking about some of the male callers throughout my life, and each interaction was added on to the previous interaction. You know, like sliding 1 piece of popcorn after another onto thread until it's big enough to encompass the Xmas tree.

There was a universal theme common in all the gentlemen callers.

LIES.

I'm not saying every gentleman is a liar, beloved.

But I bet an acre of my land, my beloveds can tell some stories about the stories their gentlemen friends have created.

hahahaha

*sigggggghhh*

So without further ado, Faux Maya Angelou's (in the rhythm of "Still I Rise"):

Still He Lied

You look at me as coagulated mystery,

With your shameless hollow eyes,

U refuse to see the infected wounds of my hurt,

And still, like yesterday, he lied

***

Does my confidence beset you

Why are you dark as doom?

Cause I walk like I've been granted the power

to raise the dead out of tombs?

***

As sure as my experiences

And those of past women cries

No expectation, No disappointment

Cuz still he lies

***

Did you think I believed you

When you refused to look me at my eyes?

To know you have such disdain for my respect and integrity

brought up my spirit cries!

***

Does my resilience confuse you?

Then take it to the Lawd

Cuz I lol and roflmbo without a care in the world

For I gave them all to God!

***

U can attempt to hurt me with your verbs

Or look me up and down cross eyed

U may attempt to break me with your threats

But still like yesterday, you lied.

***

Does my swagger tripp you?

Like who would be surprised

There is more to me than what you see

Not just the prized triangle between my thighs

***

On the phone when i called your name

U lied.

And when i texted u, and asked u the same

U lied.

I am rubber, bending and stretching

Expanding, contracting I let each lie ride.

Choosing to give you an out to tell the truth
U lied

Asking the same question in a different manner
U lied

Bringing the strength to endure is what foremothers gave me
I and my posterity are the face of tomorrow, u can't enslave me

U lied
U lied
U lied.

Now try telling the truth.

***

Still He Lied by Faux Maya Angelou is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

I'm feelin' Inspirational...

Whewwww!

I finally shoo-shoo'd H'Oprah, Tedman, Kail and all their menagerie off of my estate! Goodness, smoodness.

They certainly over-stayed their welcome, and it proved to be inspirational.

I call this piece:

"Ok, Already"

Ok baby.

I got it.

You're the richest black woman in the U.S.A, BUT I'm so sicka seein' you & Teddy, and no wedding ceremony in sight. Aren't you two too old to be going steady??

OK Already!

U helped Kail with her kids, career and marriage when it went deady.

I get it, I understand-u looked out.

Ok Already!

Baby, I know u love some Faux Maya Angelou,

I so prouda you,

I love u like my lil' bear,Teddy.

But H'Oprah sometimes I just want to look u square in the eye, shake your square shoulders

and say, Chile "Ok, Already!!"

*****

Mz. Faux Maya, loves you darling.

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Confessional...

My honorary daughter H'Oprah, will probably stop paying my property taxes after my confession...but i've made quite a tidy sum with my own work, so if my baby disowns me...I'll forgive her, but i'll be fine just the same.

Cuz, I'm a phenomenal woman, phenomenal woman is me!

Well, since lil' Ms. Bria made it known to the world I am aka Big MaMa, I figured I might as well come all the way out of my incognegrodom.

So the secret's out...I am Mz. Faux Maya Angelou. I love writing, and helping the youth. However, if I find out there are young people who's conduct are how shall I say it....'uncouth' i will write about it, and maybe even get my freestyle on.

Oh yeah, Mz. Faux Maya Angelou can and will get down with some rhymes.

I hope H'Oprah doesn't sneak up on me while I am consorting with strangers-sometimes I wonder if giving her a key to my palatial crib oops, I mean estate was a good thing- but this allows me to get away while still be in the middle of activity. It's been soo long since I've been able to rub shoulders with real people. What with books, my teaching gig, speaking engagements, reading engagements, kids, grandkids, blah blah blah-when can i just have a sit down and talk with real honest to goodness people-without a camera in my face?? I can't.

So I took it upon myself, and sat before my computer, and created this blog that will allow me to socialize and commune with my beloveds.

I seek inspiration at all times.

If you would like my pearls of wisdom-u can't have my diamonds or titanium-send me an email.

Your dilemma must be true, and if selected it will be feautured in a post entitled "Work-it-out-Wednesday." Send an email with your question, issue, problem,concern, drama, situation, circumstance etc (anonymous submissions are fine)to me at faux.maya.angelou(at)gmail.com, and watch me, Mz. Faux Maya dazzle you! You know I'm as deep as a coal miner's cave down in Kentucky.

Submissions will be chosen and 1 (maybe 2-depending on the inspiration and my scheduling-H'Oprah hogs up a lot of my free time) will be posted by 7:30 am EST, Wednesday morning. What are u waiting on?? You're not doing anything! You're at the computer. You're typing. You know have an issue. Or a circumstance. Don't you want to do something about it? I did something about it! Just type a little more and send your submission to Mz. Faux Maya (i love those Everest Institue commercials!) at faux.maya.angelou(at)gmail.com and who knows,your story may be featured Wednesday!

SSSShhhhh, please don't let H'Oprah find out. She's so protective...she only wants me socializing with people who are of a certain ilk. Sometimes she forget she's not at the studio-she's at my palatial estate and she talks, and talks, and talk-I'd rather have David back over here in his hydro haze! Honey. The contact was so strong on that young, it put me in a coma for 3 days. Yep, like our Savior, I came to on the third day! I KNOW I'm blessed and anointed! I sat up in that casket and scared everyone witless!

hahahahahahaha

Back to H'Oprah, yesss my beloveds, she is aware she is of darker melanin...black. She has just grown frustrated with the antics of you our people. Pray for her, she has sooo much on her plate. Literally.

Well beloveds, Mz. Faux Maya is outty. I'm going to take a walk around the estate-dr's orders. Also, i hear H'Oprah's key jingling in the lock and I don't want to hear about her and Kayle's latest escapades...borrrrinnng.

Until next time: may your heart and soul stir as a pot of grits!

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am,

f.k.a. Big MaMa

**Interrupting My SoapNet For My Friend , Bria**

This bloggin' business is not all it's cracked up to be.

No ma'am.

Madder of fack' it's time consumina'...

For example, Big Mama had started cannin' apricot and pickled pigs feet preserves and was almost thru

-they just had to boil a bit mo' in the pot and while i was waiting i sat at my desk and started bloggin'---oh weeeeee, the next thing i knew the most hellifyin-almost made me start-signifyin and prophelyin smell up and crep' outta my kitchen!

I done been to news sites trying to get the most perfectest story to put on my blog and lo an' behold, I had pickled apricot feet jelly alllll ova my kitchen ceilin! you can't imagine trying to scrape clean that concoction offa my newly painted kitchen...my word
Not only that grandma's recipe has done destroyed my great-grandma Mariah's cast Iron pot!

Which leads me to this post-I don't know HOW Bria does it.

That chile is a mama,totes her own mama back and forth, works all the time, and carries herself to school! oooooh, chile!

Jus wanted to let u allz know that my friend's blog You Better Recognze is nominated for Best Education Blog.

Ain't that somethin'?

Some TV program called Black TV Online-an upgrade from BET (Blaxploitation Embarrasin TV-,has her nomination on their site.

Let's support our community, and vote for Bria, ok?

Go right here and choose 'er

Thank you for listenin' to Big MaMa. I have to get my bizkits out of the oven. Bria lovvvvvvves my bizkits, so I'm gone box'em up and send them to her as a gift.

I gotta git now, but remember-Big MaMa loves all her babies. Even you bad babies, Big Mama loves u too.

Bye now.

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Experimentin' With Brad's Blog

My good friend, Bria, of You Better Recognize told me about this experiment in order to boosts up my techno 'thority, since i'm a novice at this here.

I told Bria,who lovvvvvves Big MaMa's sweet potatoe pie btw, that I haven't the faintess ideaz of what a techno 'thority is-it sounds like a subway to me, but I reckon if she took the time to think of me, i might as well try it.

Whatever doesn't kill Big MaMa, will only make her stronger...except dairy products.

Ohhh chile, that'll have Big MaMa doubled over in pain quicker than a whore can pull down her drawers!
heeeeeee heeeeee heeeeeeeee

Oh Big MaMa still got some fire in theze here bones, oh yes I do!

But anyway, if you want to learn more about this boy's experiments and thangs, point your vermin, I means mouse ova here and takes a gander at his place.

1. Brad Blogging.com - Daily Blog Tips For The Masses
2. Daily Blogging Tips At The Daily Rambler
3. Blog Chews - Blog About Anything
4. Steve v4.6 - Big Made Small
5. GIVEAWAY CITY
6. Indo Contest.com - Find the Latest Contest Here
7. POTPOLITICS-We Smoke the Competition
8. ATA - AskTheAdmin.com
9. Dolly’s Daily Diary
10. The Tech Juice - Tech Tips And More
11. Wendy’s OBA, Blog Tips & Tricks
12. Wendy’s Reel - Fact And Fancy
13. A Grateful Heart
14. 50+Whatever..Just some Ramblings in Life
15. The Blog for DesignCreatology
16. Contest Whiz - The Blog Contest Expert
17. About Blog Contests
18. Esmeraldasblog - Como aumentar la Authority de Technorati
19. Best Widgets for free - Blog Widgets
20. Pweng Bee - Shut Up and Eat!
21. Paradise In The Pacific
22. feed the virus:
23. You Better Recognize
24. Brias Own Words


25. Bad Azz Kids

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am, f.k.a.Big MaMa

It's Not Against The Law To Look At him...

You know, by Big MaMa being a senior citizen now, there's many thangs she can't:

A) Do as well

or

B) Do at all

If you ever been around us ol' folks, u will know we likes to go down memory lane.

A lot.

We like memory st., memory dr., memory blvd., memory pkwy, memory rd., memory ct., memory pl.--u get the idea,

we like lots of memories!

But some gals, like your Big MaMa here,

needs a vizual aid or two.

What better vizual aid than this fine, scrumptious, handsome, gorjus, mmm-mmm good, plop-plop fizz fizz ohhh what a relief he is

male specimen?

I don't know much about this whippersnapper, but what I do know is this.

If I was 80 yrs younger, I'd give that rascal a run for his money!

He'd be runnin'

and I'd have his money!

heeee heeeee heeeee, oh that's funny!

lol

Now this fust picture...well, that's too young for my taste.

uh-uh.

I'm not like those stupid azz lady teachers who take up with their young boy students. uh-uh I waited til they turned 18 as de law told me too!

His name is Corbin Blu-sounds like that chicken/ham dish to me.

But u can't tell these parents nothin.'

and from what I gather, the boy is famous, click here

But before you go there, look at this pic (below).

This is the one that almost sent me to heaven to be by my husband's side!

And lawd, i'm not ready to leave just yet!

This pic here, made me reach for my defibb-a-lader on the side of my bed

Maybe I was too quick to talk about those devilish Top Ramen Noodles. They're not ALL bad! heeee heeeee heeeeee

Ohhhh myyyyyy, he's a looka

U know what babies? Big MaMa has to go now. I'm sho' it's a sin gazin at that young boy for so long...but guess what?

Jus cuz there's snow on the roof--what else do they say?

in otha woids...i still got a pulse, and i got needs.

Ohhhh milk and Top Ramen did a Corbin Bleu, good!

Ok babies. Big MaMa love you all very much.

I love everyone of my babies.

Be good now, u hear?? kisses kisses

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am,f.k.a. Big MaMa

Well Clutch My Pearls...What Big...EYESSSS U have, Ali!!

Well I be...

Lemme first say...TOP RAMEN NOODLES R FROM DA DEBBIL! DA' ADVRSARRY IS DOIN ALLL HE CAN TO RUIN BIG MA'S BABIES! I bind up the spirit of Ramen Noodles and all itz unholy flavas!! I rebuke them to the pitz of noodle hell!!

I believe down to my innards that they pump those noodles plum full of preserves, adds and hormonals.
Have u seen how big these chirren are these days??
My my my my my!
OHHHH LAWWWWD...I'm believin in your promises, but my spirit is soooo vexed.

Just when it seems that Linzee girl, has gotten her life straightened up
*although... her new boyfriend looks alot like a bony lil' girl. He could use a plate of Big MaMa's smothered pork chops, fried cabbage, rice, sliced tomatoes and onions, home made cornbread, glass of lemon iced tea, sweet potato pie, and---what was Big MaMa talkin' about agin??--
that's right, Linzee yunga sista has picked up the be-ton and run off wit' it.
*ohhhhh chile, Big Mama is really into da O-limpiks*

When I look at lil Ali's chest in that there pitcha on the lef side, well it's a chess-like lil girls her age have.
But my word *fannin myself* lil Ali, is not sooo lil anymore.
U know I useta have a shape like that.
mmmhmmm yes I did.
Big Mama had alll the gentlemen callers come a callin' for me...oh that's anotha story...

Cuz Big MaMa knows in her heart of hearts, lil Ali
(that's awful nice of her mama, White Oprah to name her child after the best negro fighta in America! theyz some fine people, those lowdownHans!)
did not partake in surgery and have water balloons put in her chess like those sorry women who iz trying to get a man do!

Did you know she is only 14?
mmmmmm...community-it's time for a boycott.
I say we boycott the Top Ramen Noodle peoplez, so they can stop makin our chirren grow too fast!

Ok babies, Big MaMa has to go now. I have to send a 9-11 e-mergen-c email to my Artha club so we can pray. All of us with diffrent cases of artharitis get together-as long as it ain't rainin'-and talks about Artha's behind ackin' up!
He's a mess!
Anyhooo, Big MaMa has to call her Artha club so we can prayz while rubbin in our Ben Gayz cream in our joints.
Yes, the lawd is the balm of gilead,
and ben gayz is the balm for our joints!

Now Big MaMa has got ta go now...but remember babies, Big Mama loves u.
And rememmber-ain't no bad azz kids, those are just the kids who ain't beenz to Big MaMa's house yet.
love you, babies.
byebye!
source

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Baby, Ur Chile Ain't Bad-He'z Jus' Nastay As Hell!

Oh my! What is this mess before me??
Ok, now Big MaMa likes an occasional Whopper Sammich
(as long as they're ez on the Mayo-lactoez problems, u know?

But what am I to think when I see this boy with eye make up on, and his franks & beans are in the sink??
*swing lowwwww, sweeeet charrrrrioottttt*
take me lawd, take me home!

Now, i believe in bleach clean.
Mmmmmmm-mmmmm, Big Mama enjoy the antiseptic smells of Bleach, but help me...this boy-child has his frank and beans, the cracka his behind sittin in the wash tub.
what is this chile's problem??

Well, I'mma ass-ume business was slow, and the slow boy didn't have anything better to do. Maybe they ran out of buns or meat an he was waiting for the delivery truck and they just took too long.

Hmph.

He calls himself "Mr. Unstable" (well, that may be true) and he took a dive in the sink at BK in OH. He even had his slow-witted friend record him.
Where is this chile's mama?
Oh gooooodness.
Well, knowing how clean I like my house reading this story is just plum making me itch.
So if you wanna know anythang else about this story please
click here.


Watch, the vidyo if ur brave. Big MaMa has seen enough thangs in her life, and she's jus' strivin' for peace now.

http://view.break.com/553140 - Watch more free videos

Big MaMa must go and re-bleach her house.
Big MaMa love her babies, I love all of youz.
And you all be good now, ya hear me?

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

Who Do We Blame For Dis?

(Camille, Evin-ohh she's a big girl!, Bill Cosby)

Now y'all know Bigmama like gossip, jus likes the nex' person.

But this here ain't funny.

I don't need to tell you all of Big Ma's business, but in my day we didn't have time for hi-falutin-rootn-tootn Oreo cookie monsters! Dat's what we called black folk who was black on de outside and tried to be white on da inside.

Now let Big MaMa say this.

I love some white folks.

Not erry white person is a plum fool.

I have learned a thang or two from some gooood white folk. Dey taught me to read, helped me with my studies and say to me Big MaMa you can shoot for the stars.

I didn't know what that meant, so I couldn't understand the fear in theyz face when I went in my closet, got my shotgun and started shootin at the sky!

Well hell, whyz didn't they just tell me I can be a better person in da future den I am today?? What iz so harrd about saying dat?

Anywayz I'm making a point.

It is ok to be white-if you are white.

But gotdurnit-when u iz black and u trying to pass-Big Mama's got a problem wit it.

*where's my fan?* Lawd help me

Ok, Big Ma is going to copy/paste this mess from Bossip

“My own people used to say to me, ‘You speak like a white woman,’” said the youngest daughter of Bill and Camille Cosby at her chic new boutique, PB & Caviar, in Tribeca.
“What does that even mean, anyway? Everyone has their way of speaking and living their life. No one should be judging and assuming that because I’m black, I have to speak in that hip-hop way. That’s something I prefer not to do.”

“I always went to private schools - Bank Street elementary, Columbia Prep - so I was surrounded by people like me. Not so much African-American, but privileged. I don’t really have a connection to other people who didn’t have my lifestyle. But my dad is very into helping people from his own community in Philadelphia.”

Well if u click on Bossip's source link, you'll see this is the same dim-witted child who thinks selling 36 pairs of infant high heel shoes is a good thang. smh

I have just the cure for that one right there. This chile needs to spend two weeks with Big Ma, she'll be hanging clothes on the line outside, snappin' beans, and cannin' her OWN jelly & preserves, pullin' up weeds...hell she'll be on her knees with a bucket and a rag cleanin' baseboards! It sho'nuf didn't kill me.

Let me just jump on a sentence of two.

Sentence #1:

I don’t really have a connection to other people who didn’t have my lifestyle.

Now ain't that something? Is this chile tryin to say to me, her own pappy segregated her? There was some segregatin' going on? Who didn't have her lifestyle? U mean to say to Big MaMa that chile ain't NEVA been around less fortunate people? Now don't that beat all??

Sentence #2:

But my dad is very into helping people from his own community in Philadelphia.

Well ain't that nice of Mr. Cosby? he takes it upon himself to go back to his necka da woods and help the community. That's a fine man, yes he is. Except. I didn't hear nary a word about Ms. Evin Cosby saying she tagged along to those same necka da woods to help out. I thought rich folk like to do community work? Even that cock-eyed Paris Hilton has been known to do charity even if it is only cuz a camera is in her face. My spirit is sooo grieved at this dim-witted child. But my anga is at her mama and daddy. What in hellz bellz has gotten into Bill?? How can he come into the- *what is that new fangled woid for black neighbahoods they use today?*

Urban! That's it Urban! Why does Mr. Cosby goes traipsin all over da country goin to urban cities and whatnot, like he is doin mankind a favor of some sort, and here his own daughta don't have a clue that she is black?!

Now Jesus, U, will haf to help me with that one. Yessssir
please sweet Jesus, help me.

Now my question to u my beloved is this: just as Mr. Cosby blames us for the 'dirty laundry' that comes out of the schools at 2:30 cussin and calling each other the N-word..., who do we blame for his ignant azz daughter?! She's just as snoddy, snooty, sedity and all those otha woids that describes that mess of a girl. She and her parents are outta touch.

I supported Mr. Cosby but after listening to his deliriously misinformed child, I have the mind to change my mind. And I'm doing just that.

Enough of this talk. I want a turkey sammich wit' excra pickles. Alright my babies, Big MaMa gonna to get and have suppa. I'll talk to u soon, ya hear? Big MaMa loves all of you, u hear me? Erry last one of youz.

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am, f.k.a.Big MaMa

Now I'm Not Ready To Callz Toto J A Bad Azz Child but...

First let me just say when I received my fax from my sources at the Underground Railroad and was told this here picture was of Toto Jackson-wait a min, Dorothy's lil puppy was black?!-let me reread dis here fax...ok ok,my apologies. It says here, TITO Jackson, not Toto-heee heee

ohhhhh Tito Jackson, let me just say-he turned out to be a nice lookin' young man. He looks as if he some latino in his dna'z

He's too young for Big MaMa but I remembers so well when he was a pudgy lil ol' somethin' just strummin' on his ge' tar and he just playin' and playin' not stirrin' up any trouble.

mmmmhmmmm

Yep, I remembers Tito.

This is when I wish my poor blessed mama had not made me learn to read cuz this info about Tito J has truly dissterbed my spirit.

ohhh lawwwwd, u could have told me this about Jermaine with his shellacked hairdo, or that pitiful Michael and lawwwd YOU only know about that bad azz Randy. mmmmhhhhhmmmmmm *fanning myself*

but to hear that my sweet lil pudge-pudge, Tito Jackson done double crossed his family's friend is enuf to just take me over the edge.

smh

This is just as devastatin as when my favorite corna store stopped selling PICKLE EGGS!

I'm sooo glad i left my pistol at home, oh lawwd.

Bcuz as sure as my name is Big MaMa that cashier would have SHO' NUFF gone on home to meet her maker, and i'm not talkin about her mammy and her pappy.

Anyway, anyway Matt Fiddes of the UK says poor ole Tito owes $12,051 in UK currency-pounds. Well after tryin to tally that up in my ole head, I had to put pride outside and gets my pen and paper. After about 12 hours of configgerin and computin', Tito owes Fiddes (not Fiddy) a lil over $29k in U.S. dollas.

Now. I knows that boy come from a fam'ly just as retarded as they wanna be. But I believe deep down in my here soul, he has a good, a reallll good explanation. I'm not gone throw this here baby out with the bathwater. No ma'am.

I'm gone get my church accessory prayer team to pray for Tito and God is gone turn some thangs around in his life. God is gone open up a blessin that Tito won't have room to receive...as long as his papa Joe ain't around!

God bless u baby, Big Mama prayin for you Tito!

Young person, I assure you every word I speak-is truth. For I am, f.k.a. Big MaMa

UPDATE: The Family That Throws Down Together, Goes Down Together

According to a reliable source of mine's, that would be EURweb.com, the saga continues in the soap opera that has made international news, starring ANTM's Bianca Golden, and Hairspray's very own Nikki Blonski.

Chile if you don't remember the details I gave you last week too bad...ur late behind is just gone haveta-that's right I put my grammar IN MY OWN KINDA ORDA!

So's like I was sayins...if ur just tunin in, u iz late and ur just gonna haveta click here

and catch up-BigMama don't have time to rehash nothin'-my time is precious just like yourn is.

Anywayz, my friendz at Eurweb says that Hairspray gal's pappy is still in jail w-out the bail. Seems he beat the stuffin' outta that Next model gal's mama. Beat her so bad she had to go up in the hellycoppa and go to a hospital that cud tend to her rightly.

Now what could Ms. Golden done to set that man off , so??

*grabbin my fan and hummin a hymn to Jesus*

Lawwwd,lawwwd why have they forsakennnnn theeeee, ohhhhh lawwwwwd

lawwwd i knowz we in da last days, so why don't u come on with the come on, lawwwwwwwd!

lawwd what iz wrong wit' ur chirrens beatin on each other like soooo...mmmhmmm *fannin self*

lawwwd i'm ready to get caught up in ur rapture lawwd, please lawwwd set me free, set me freeee so i can be with theeeee

hmmmmm..i just had a terrible flashback.

MMM. mmmm i rememberz gettin into fisticuffs with the neighbahood floozy when i was just a young gal. and she owed me a jar of pickled pigs feet. Well she tells me to my face she don't know nothin bout no pigs feet, but my bess friend Essie Mae done seen her buy two jarful of hoofs from Jenkins Market.

Ohhh lawd. by the time i gave that floozy a good cussin', she was wearin pickled pig feet juice all over her favorite pink sweater, which was hilarious since she stuffed her sweater-when that juice was thrown on her,her DD cups disntagraaatd to a A cup. ohhh u shudda seent her face. That heffa Jesse-Mae ended up bein the third piece to our puzzle. She became me and Essie Mae's best friend.

Oh but anywayz back to Eurweb.com, one side Bianca's mama suffered from slurred speech, damage on her left side. The other side she's fine and just wants to sue.

Well honey u know in 'Merica u can sue for the damndest thang but we'll see how it goes for her. But if u want to read mo' of this mess-go here. I'm ready for this mess to be ova, for real.

I am telling you the honest truth here, whippersnapper!-

I am


**yes, every post is true as hell, true as hell**